Recent decision: Return to Boise after my year of serving with 13th
Floor in South Africa. Live in the
same city as my boyfriend Damian and of course, my parents. Accept a two-year
Young Life area associate position. Easy decision. Piece of cake.
Emotions following that decision: Total peace . . .
for at least a week before the rollercoaster of fear, then peace, moving on to
“what the crap?” followed by doubt, fear, blah, excitement, more doubt, full
circle back to peace, lksdjfaoidjgfaekngj!!!!
Recently, I have noticed that my thought processes and
journal entries have contained a lot of clichés. Not sure that I am okay with
that. I am an artist. I am a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree accomplished artist,
pushing towards creating Art with a capital “A”. Shouldn’t I be above silly
clichés?
Clichés get a bad rap; after all, clichés achieve their
status when there is a general consensus of validity behind them, a general
opinion of truth in the way they express.
So forgive me as I share about the cliché God has been
speaking to me in my life.
[Life is a story. He is the author.]
When I tell people about my relationship with Damian, often
the first words they respond with are about what a cool, ironic “story” we have.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me that if our relationship works
out we should write a book.
During Damian’s visit this past September we decided to
spend the next year together same country, time zone, state, and city.
Throughout our relationship people have given us abundant
advice on what has worked for them and their relationships with significant
others. While most of the advice has been great in intention, the consequence
in my life has been this building pressure to live out everyone else’s story. I
have gotten so lost in the relationship “rules” and “advice” that I started to
miss what was actually unfolding in my own relationship with Damian. I was completely missing the joy and
excitement that comes with our own personal budding love story.
This morning God reminded me of His truth and His cliché
regarding the decision I made to move back to Boise. God is the author of my
story.
God is writing the most beautiful, action packed, adventure
filled, character focused love story out of my life. The purpose of my
God-breathed story is to show people how much the creator of the world loves
me. Every day becomes an opportunity to trust the author; he has my best
interest in mind. Trusting results in greater peace, joy and anticipative
excitement in what the future holds.
The other option is to choose fear and doubt stemming from a
lack of trust. I can doubt that where God desires to lead me is actually better
than where I am now. I can fear that He will desert me in the process, forgetting
my needs. I can even fear that I may have wrongly discerned what I believe to
be His will in my life. Ultimately fear that if I make the wrong decision I
will be thrown out of his purpose for my life.
As the battle raged between peace and fear, I had this
overwhelming revelation (of course, it is probably obvious to the reader). There is one main thing that separates
peace and fear, PRIDE. All of the fears and doubts were dripping with my pride
and unbelief. Disgusting really. When the focus shifts from trusting God to
self-absorption the result is unbridled fear.
So, a renewed commitment! From this point on, regarding the
“next chapter” in my life, I choose to trust delight in the story that is being
written. I know He has called me
back to Boise and I am super excited to serve on Young Life staff, walk forward
in my relationship with Damian, make new friends and renew old ones, connect
with dance opportunities, and enjoy being closer to my family. I choose to
trust that my God is so much bigger than any of my mistakes. I choose to live
in the joy that is the foundation and running theme of my story. I choose the
love he is demonstrating to me daily.
I am going to embrace the cliché.
I pray that my story is one that can be read by the world;
one that screams how much HE LOVES AND DELIGHTS IN ME!
